leaning towards
by januarylightsphere
Summary: It's all about the words that you don't say.[AU, America/NyoEngland/Japan]


**Disclaimer:** Hetalia is forever out of my reach. The lyric doesn't, either.

 **Warnings: OOC.**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH YOUR YOUR HELP, DEAR GIRL. Yes, yes, special thanks to Seriously Troublesome. **

**More importantly,**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATE ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _Francine is Nyo!France, Gloria may be Nyo!Portugal.  
_

* * *

 **i,**

He buys a box of water colors with cheap price from a shop that is about to close because of the lack of customers. The box has been there since forever, and it's state is almost out of date when he gets his hands on it. He chooses the orange box and mixes it with water. Too light, need more color. Too dark, it's almost red, he needs to add more water. He mixes and mixes for the whole evening, but a particular shade of orange never comes out.

He drops himself on the bed, closes his eyes, falls asleep, and dreams. When he wakes up, he still remembers vividly. Maybe it's because of there is Alice in it. He leans against the window and the flashback starts, as clear as the blue sky. It's a dream that was full of sunshine, making the winter day impossibly warm. There was an apple tree in the schoolyard, and Alice is sitting on one of the branches, eating a red apple and looking more like the type of princess you see in fairy tales. She was wearing a pair of shoes that were in a shade of luminous orange, the very shade that he wasn't able to create.

He turns on the radio, and again, a particular song is being performed. Such a sad song, he thinks upon remembering that Alice used to sing the same song with the same tone in a singing contest in secondary school. That day it had rained hard, and Alice's voice had sounded even sadder than the falling water outside.

 _I asked the ash tree,_

 _Where is my beloved?_

 _The ash shook its head_

 _Without answering._

 _I asked the poplar,_

 _Where is my beloved?_

 _The poplar covered me_

 _With autumn leaves._

 _I asked autumn,_

 _Where is my beloved._

 _Autumn started at the pouring rain_

 _In reply._

 _I asked the rain,_

 _Where is my beloved._

 _The rain cried for a long time_

 _Outside my window._

 _I asked the moon,_

 _Where is my beloved._

 _The moon disappeared behind a cloud,_

 _Not answering to me._

 _I asked the cloud,_

 _Where is my beloved._

 _The cloud melts away_

 _In the blue of sky._

In his memory, Russian music always sounds mournful to the point of heart breaking. Alice is never fond of them. She likes Shakespeare and sometimes she wrote something about his plays in her notebook, the book whose cover is as green as her eyes. Each pages have a few lines though, still it's enough for her.

(Does she realize that those plays are as heartbreaking and beautiful as the song?)

 **ii** ,

Monday, he goes to class, only to find the girls are talking quietly among themselves as if there were some big hidden secrets that had just been revealed. One of them catches the sight of him and approaches:

"Did Kirkland go to school last Saturday?"

If it wasn't for his well-trained poker face, she would definitely read his surprise. Since when did they start to care about her? Glancing around the classroom, all eyes are on him. It's unnerving him to receive that much attention. Just for a few seconds, and he's already been able to read all sorts of emotion. Slowly, he nods. The girl turns to her companies, confirms again with a slight nod of her head. He's astonished to see Francine and Gloria - two of Alice's best friends ("Gloria is my best friend, Francine is just annoying." He can hear her insist in his house already.) in that group. Later, no one comes to talk to him anymore. It's like he's become invisible again. Maybe they, both intentionally and unintentionally, are ignoring him. He doesn't understand.

Alice and Alfred haven't appeared.

He sits with Alfred at the back of class, while Alice has her place right next to the door, they have never collided unless necessary. (Maybe it's just him, because Alfred likes to get on Alice's nerves so much.) Alfred and Alice live in the same neighborhood, go to the same kindergarten, primary and secondary school, and finally end up in the same class in one junior high. Having known each other for ages, but Alfred says it's like they've just acknowledged each other's existence.

One day, Alfred came to Alice's house to go to school with her. Normally, he waited for her at her front door, but that day, for some reasons (or maybe there were no reasons at all), he decided to take a step forward, going into the house. Alice was having tea with her brother, whose expression was so scary that even the normally 'heroic' Alfred had to take a step backwards. The guy's face become darker upon seeing Alfred, making the poor boy sprint out of the house as fast as possible. Alice didn't know anything of that though, because Alfred had once said 'that girl never pays attention to surrounding when she's having tea.'

Kiku listens to Alfred with his endless patience, but he can't help wondering: Does Alfred always wait for Alice that persistently? The American boy never seems to mind though. At first, Alfred reached Alice's house at seven in the morning, the next day 6:55, and the following one was at 6:50 and it got earlier and earlier until Alfred couldn't stand it anymore and decided to announce his presence. Alice almost threw a cactus at him.

Last Saturday, Kiku and Alfred were on a duty. After having finished cleaning up, they couldn't find the key to lock the door.

"Have you got the key from the monitor?"

"Of course I have! Argh, where is it?"

He stared at Alfred blankly, and didn't even bother to hide his confusion when Alfred called Alice.

"Kirkland-san doesn't have the key." He suppressed a grimace, pointing out the obvious truth after a lot of yelling (on Alice's part) and apologizing (Alfred's.) He just couldn't guess what Alfred was trying to do. If possible, he was getting more and more puzzled as Alfred rubbed his head and sheepishly smiled, saying that Alice was about to come. Kiku wondered why, because honestly, nothing could be solved.

Alfred was pretty sure that the key was somewhere nearby, but even after Alice came, there was no sign of it. Kiku rubbed his temple, before dialing to call the monitor. Yao assured him that Alfred had taken the key, but Kiku insisted that he should make sure. After lots of background noises, (the sound of footsteps running, no doubt, Yao was probably cooking at the kitchen), with an annoyingly nonchalant voice, Yao said: "I still have it, how strange aru."

"Can you come to lock the door?" Kiku felt like he was going to have grey hair soon.

"Nah, it's late already. Why don't you borrow from the caretaker?"

Apparently, the caretaker had taken a dislike towards Alfred for all of his pranks, so he didn't agree. The trio looked at one another awkwardly. If they didn't lock the door, the whole class would be punished, and Alfred would be the one who suffered the most.

Alice didn't even give Alfred the chance to apologize, her pretty face marred with a scowl as she said:

"Lucky for you, I have a Japanese class. I'll convince the teacher to use our classroom. It's the key keeper's duty to lock the door after that."

Alfred's face brightened with newly found hope and Kiku let out a relieved sigh, so that was why Alice bothered to go such a long way to school. She didn't come here because of Alfred. Alice yelped as Alfred suddenly threw his arms around her, yelling 'thank you' repeatedly.

Now thinking back of last Saturday, Kiku wonders why and the girls know? Someone has taken the same Japanese class as Alice? He doesn't say he's experienced, but he has a basic knowledge of how far a girl's thoughts can lead her. It's possible that everyone is talking about Alice and Alfred. What if it's real? Doesn't he always think that? Does it make him no different from these girls?

 **iii,**

A few days later, the rumor that Alice and Alfred are dating spreads widely. Those two didn't speak a word about it, but Kiku knows they're avoiding each other. He wants to clear it for Alice. If Alice is misunderstood just because of last Saturday, it won't be fair to both of them. (Again, since when did it become his business? He wondered)

It's said that the rumor has been confirmed by Francine and Gloria. Are they also misunderstood? Even if Francine really likes watching people dating and Gloria likes to mess with Alice at times, they won't be so sure unless Alice says something. He can't help but notice the three girls don't go out with one another as much as before. But do they realize? They still look happy enough, as if the fact they used to be so close doesn't matter anymore. Or is it because of Alice's reaction that makes them believe it?

Kiku decides to wait for them the day when Francine and Gloria are on duty. The moment they step out, he looks at them straight in the eyes and speaks a little too fast:

"Last Saturday, Kirkland-san just had a Japanese class."

They seem startled, then both wear the look of realization. Francine glances at Gloria, who gives him a nod of thanks. However, he doesn't think he can take it. The fact that they don't know Alice as much as he thinks is somewhat disappointing. Everyone in class treats Alice as if she's really head over heels with Alfred. (But she's the girl with blonde hair and green eyes and likes sad Shakespeare's plays, she can't be like that.) He walks away from the class, wondering what Alice feels.

He meets Alice at the bus stop. Today, she and Alfred don't go to class together. This place is full of people, and Kiku doesn't have enough courage to talk to her. Then the bus comes, everyone gets on, thus only Alice and Kiku are left behind.

"Why don't you go?" Alice turns to him with a puzzled expression.

He merely shakes his head. They sit on each edge of the bench. He really wants to say something, but doesn't know where to start. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Alice is the one to start:

"Kiku, look!" She points at the bus, which stops because the traffic light has turned red. "How many gold balls do you think we can put into that bus?"

He says he doesn't know, this question is too difficult for him to answer, can they switch to another easier one please? Alice asks him which question that he thinks is easy. A fairy tale, he says. Alice nods solemnly, arching an eyebrow in waiting. He's struggling to find the right words, and then asks if she remembers Cinderella. She looks surprised for a moment, before telling him that everyone knows this tale, how can she not?

"Kirkland-san..."

"Alice."

"Alice-san." She glares at him because of the horrific, but doesn't interrupt this time. "Have you ever thought of the story in a different way?"

She ponders for a few minutes.

"Are you talking about the glass slipper left at the steps of the palace?" He doesn't really know if that is what he means to say, but he nods. "During my childhood, I often wondered... why did the slipper fall out when it fitted her perfectly?" Clearly, it isn't. Alice doesn't know what he's trying to say. But he can't interrupt her. "But now when I grow up, I understand. No matter how deep our bonds are, they will be broken into pieces if you aren't careful."

"Oh. It's deep."

She laughs humorlessly. "I've heard what you said to Francine and Gloria. No, I didn't mean to eavesdrop... I had intended to tell them the truth. I can't let them continue to misunderstand me. But... thank you anyway, Kiku."

"You're welcome."

But she doesn't finish. "Recently, I've realized that I've been spending time too much time with Alfred. I don't hang out with those two as much as I should. I can't ask for a long lasting friendship if this continues. I can't really blame them for not asking me, can I?"

And she sings. Her voice is still as sad as the last time he heard, like the Russian song that was ringing in his head.

 _Tell me, my only friend,_

 _Where is my beloved._

 _You tell me where did she hide,_

 _Do you know where she is._

 _My devoted friend,_

 _My sincere friend answered:_

 _She was your beloved,_

 _She was your beloved,_

 _She was your beloved,_

 _But she became my wife._

"Actually, I've always wanted to be honest about my relationship with Alfred. But - not now, not like that. I know they're not thinking highly of me now."

Maybe, at this age of eighteen, and a peaceful city, it's hard for people to keep quiet about a girl that walks a long way to school for a boy because of something so trivial.

After that, there is only silence between them. Another bus has passed. Then, he's finally made up his mind, he takes a deep breath and turns to her. The moment he's about to say something, Alfred appears, the ever bright smile on his face. Alice scowls slightly before her face turns into some sort of expression that speaks of fondness, and then she stands up, saying goodbye. He doesn't know where Alfred came from. He doesn't know how to think anymore. He leans against the bench, mind painfully blank. Everything has happened too fast, too quickly, for him to express something he's been holding for years-

He's taken another step behind. He's not brave enough. And he misses too much. Actually, he doesn't want to talk about the glass slipper that was left behind. He was about to talk about another story before-

As a child, each time he watched Cinderella, each time he watched the prince pick up the shoe, he always saw another young man - he didn't know whether he was the prince's servant or another prince from some other country. The young man just stood there, under the silvery moonlight, behind the shadows of the trees. He stood there, and watched. It was he who watched Cinderella the whole evening; it was he that saw the glass shoe.

But he was too late, the chance had slipped, and the shoe then belonged to the Prince.

* * *

 **notes:** just one step behind.

please read and review.


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